Sleep Update

After a few days "off" of sleep training due to Annabelle freaking out every time we put her down, she and I went to my parent's house. So, we didn't do anything there, either. We were feeling frustrated with our sleep plan, and felt like it wasn't working. So, we emailed our consultant, and she sent us a new plan to try--gradual extinction, with us leaving the room. She thought maybe Annabelle couldn't focus on sleep with us in the room. The plan was supposed to be this: Put Annabelle down awake, and leave the room. Then go in after 5, 10, 15, 15, 15 etc.. minutes and console her for up to 5 minutes (picking her up, cuddling her, talking, singing, whatever), then put her back down and move onto the next interval.

I attempted this on Sunday night, by myself. It was the worst.decision.ever. to try that new plan. Annabelle was hysterical. Utterly, completely, hysterical. Every time I picked her up, she would just sob in my arms. When I left the room, she would cry even harder. Finally out of sheer exhaustion, she fell asleep in my arms while I was "consoling" her. It was ridiculous. I can't even explain the utter ridiculousness of it. Every cell in my entire body was screaming at me to comfort her, and I ignored it, attempting to listen to every voice (yes, including yours, if you were one of them) that told me I "have to let her cry it out," because it's the only thing that will work. Let me tell you something, voices--you are SO WRONG. (If you were one of the people that presented your case to me in a kind, supportive way, I'm not mad at you. It was my own choice to try your advice). I will never, ever, ever, ever do that to Annabelle or any other baby I have, ever again--and that wasn't even full fledged CIO! Annabelle was hoarse from crying, and so congested she was snoring when she finally fell asleep. The ache in my heart for doing that to her is one that I'm not sure will ever go away. The rest of the night was awful, too. She woke up constantly, and cried in my arms when I even moved near her crib to try putting her back down. She ended up right back in bed with us, and still slept horribly, wanting to sleep on me, I'm guessing, because she was so emotionally distraught from my stupid, selfish attempt to get her to sleep.

sigh.

So, anyway. You clearly know how I feel about CIO, now. And you can stop telling me to try it.

Last night was leaps and bounds better. Jason and I talked, and agreed that Annabelle can't be left alone to cry. We also agreed that picking her up and putting her down probably made the "gradual extinction" attempt worse. It's like "here, let me make everything better! JUST KIDDING!!! HAHAHA, now I'm going to leave you!!" and sucks. It's not fair. We also think that attempting to get her to fall asleep on her own only at bedtime was not a good idea. She was getting confused as to why every other time she woke up, she would be rocked back to sleep.

So, we decided to go back to our original plan of staying her room while she falls asleep, but comforting her more from a distance, and only picking her up if she gets really upset. We also decided we would do it all night long, instead of waiting until bedtime got better first (which was the original plan) before doing overnights. When we did it the first time, we were picking her up a lot, and I think that's what distracted her from falling asleep, and falling back to sleep.

Jason took the lead, and did bedtime last night. Annabelle did cry in her crib, but Jason was in there with her, and she cried a LOT less hard than she did on Sunday night. Yes, she was upset, but it was definitely more of a protesting cry than an "I hate your guts and I'm scared and don't know what's going on" cry. He only picked her up once when she started getting more upset, and she fell asleep, on her own, in her crib, in only 30 minutes after putting her down. She wasn't snoring, she wasn't hoarse, and she wasn't alone. Jason stayed in there basically the whole evening so that if she woke up, she knew immediately that we hadn't left her. She woke up an hour after she went down, but fell back to sleep with only about 5 or 10 minutes of crying.

I left to go to a friend's house, because I was exhausted of thinking about the whole thing, and just needed a break. (Thanks Dawn!)

Here's last night's breakdown:
6:45 - in bed, having nursed and done the whole bedtime routine.
7:15 - asleep, on her own, in her crib.
8:00 - awake
8:15 - asleep, on her own, in her crib.
11:30 - awake. Nursed her, then she went immediately back to sleep in her crib.
3:00 - awake. Nursed her, then she went back to sleep in her crib.
3:15 - awake. Rubbed her back w/o picking her up, and she went immediately back to sleep.
6:30 - awake for the day.

Hooray! Not too shabby. Overall, she cried less than an hour the whole night, which is amazing. She also got  just over 11 hours of sleep (YES!), slept in her crib the WHOLE NIGHT (DOUBLE YES!!). I think, at least from the appearance of last night, that this is going to work.

The key to this whole process has been clearly this: it's super important to find a solution that works for not just you, but your baby. The first attempt we made (Jason going in every time she woke up, and putting her back to sleep) didn't really work for anyone. The second attempt (staying in her room, consoling her all the time, and only working on bedtime) sort of worked for us, and sort of worked for her, but not for the long run for either of us. The results were short lived, and progress didn't move forward at all. The third attempt (gradual extinction) was stupid and ridiculous and didn't work for anyone. Last night's attempt works for all of us. We get her to fall asleep on her own, but she gets the comfort of knowing she isn't really alone, and we can comfort her verbally or physically if she gets too upset. It teaches her to fall asleep by herself, but doesn't break the trust she has in us, and doesn't make us feel like super selfish horrible parents.

let's just pray it continues, shall we?