Oh, my little O.

My sweet Oliver is getting so big so fast! He's almost three months old, how is that possible?!

If you read my last post about Oliver's health concerns, you know that we're relieved that he doesn't have the jaw structure indicative of Pierre Robin Sequence, as the doctor at Carle mentioned might be the case. I thought then that we were in the clear for any other issues and we could just put it all behind us. But, little O's body had other ideas!

At Oliver's well-baby visit on Tuesday, we learned two things:
1. He has a sunken sternum
2. His weight gain is starting to slow little by little (not in a normal way).

So.

Mama had to hold little O down for an x-ray after that appointment (make that four x-rays...seriously, can you just hurry and push the button when he's still?! It is so hard to hold down a screaming baby :( ). The doctor was concerned that a sunken sternum can impede upon the heart and lungs, so we had to make sure his internal organs were all okay. This also led her to suggest that maybe we ought to follow through with seeing a geneticist to see if the jaw and sternum are linked to something, as those are two physical qualities often associated with genetic disorders.

We got the call yesterday that all is well with his heart and lungs, and nothing needs to be done right now. Such relief! I was dreading the idea of my 11 week old baby needing major surgery. His sternum will always be sunken as he grows, and if it starts to bother him physically or cosmetically when he's older, we can opt for surgery then. I'm just so glad it doesn't need to be now!

As far as his weight gain (or lack of gain), Oliver has been gaining an average of just under .6 ounces a day in the last month, and "normal" is .7-.9 a day. So, that means despite his rapid weight gain at the beginning, he's slowly starting to fall off of his curve. I was sort of expecting it...it's because of his small jaw/high palate/weak suck. He just can't suck well enough to tell my body to make enough milk. He's not starving by any means, but he's not gaining as much as he might supposed to be.

Even though I was mentally sort of trying to prepare myself for it, it was a huge shock to me emotionally when I realized it has started happening. I cried. "What kind of mother can't feed her child enough?!" ...was my (totally irrational) thought. Of course that is utterly ridiculous. Once I pulled myself together, I bought some GoLacta, ordered some Goat's Rue, and started pumping more than the once every-other-day that I was. Our doctor isn't worried (yet). He's meeting milestones, and has grown almost three inches since birth. No one has said anything about supplementing, and I certainly don't plan to unless it becomes clearly necessary. And if I do, it will be with my own breastmilk, hopefully. I've got about 20 ounces in the freezer from this week alone, so hopefully if I can keep up pumping 3-4 times a day, I can make enough that I a) won't need to supplement at all, or b) use to supplement with if needed.

Regardless, my thoughts have gone out the window right now, and I am consumed with making sure Oliver is getting enough to eat. I offer to nurse him every half hour or so, am wearing him most of the day (that closeness can help increase supply), and am taking supplements and pumping 3-4 times a day.

Mostly, I just need prayers right now. I feel like I'm ignoring Annabelle and it makes me so sad. And I really, really want my milk supply to increase so that Oliver starts gaining really well again. (It seems ridiculous to ask for prayer for these things in light of what's going on around the world, but I know God cares about the little things, so I'm asking anyway).

I'm just so tired of all the worry...I know it's up to me to stop worrying, but as you moms know, it's much easier said than done!