awkwardness

Tonight was one of the more awkward nights of my life. I got home from school, and went about my business of showering and unwinding before bed. I noticed a chewed up bottle of hand lotion sitting on the bathroom counter, about which Jason said he found Mojo chewing on, but luckily I don't think he got much out. I didn't know how he got it, because it was in my bed-side drawer, but apparently I left it cracked open. I finished my shower, and was about to dry my hair when I noticed our bottle of ::ahem:: KY on the floor of the bedroom. With no cap on. Empty. I panicked. I have NO idea if that stuff is harmful if ingested, so I yelled for Jason, and he promptly went online. All he found was a poison control number for animals. So here's where the awkwardness sets in.

Poison control for animals costs $60 a phone call. I was not about to do that. So, I called the U of I emergency animal hospital. A very nice, young sounding girl answered the phone.

Me: "Hi. I have a very awkward question for you."

Her: "okay..."

Me (trying not to laugh): "My dog ate 1/3 bottle of KY lube. Is he going to die?"

Her (laughing): "That's not awkward. I think he'll be fine, but let me check with the doctor here."

Me: "Okay, thanks."

::on hold::

Her: "Was it just plain KY?"

Me: "Yes, the water-based kind."

Her: "Okay. Well, as long as it's not...the new kind with the...tingly...things...he should be okay."

Me: "Um, no, it was just the...normal...kind...no tingles..."

Her (laughing again): "Okay, he should be fine."

Me: "OH, thank goodness."

Her: "He'll probably have diarrhea, and maybe an upset stomach, but he should be okay. The number for animal poison control, if you want it, is [blahblahblah]. But, he should be fine."

Me: "Thank you!"

Her (laughing again): "You're welcome. If he starts having severe diarrhea or throws up a lot, give us a call back."

Me: "Thanks so much!"

End of call.

Awkwardness. Thanks, Moj, for an eventful evening.