Night 5: Friday night was not bad. She played in her crib for about an hour, then fussed/cried for about 15 minutes, and fell asleep.
Night 6: I BLEW IT. It was the night of Jason's surprise party, so I was not about to sit in her room for over an hour to watch her fall asleep, when I had to be getting ready for the party. I nursed her to sleep. She woke up after about 10 minutes. I put her back down. Woke up again about 5 minutes later. Repeat 3 times while my friends are frantically trying to help me get ready. I finally gave up because it was 20 minutes before the party was supposed to start and we were so not ready. So, I got her up. At least she was happy. She stayed up until 9 something, and then I nursed her to sleep and put her down. I ruined her good progress, I'm afraid.
Night 7: She played in her crib for about 45 minutes, and then cried for about 45 minutes. It was awful. I'm so, so, so, so glad we're not doing cry-it-out, because I can't imagine leaving my precious girl screaming on her own. When she got too upset, I picked her up and rocked her, sang to her, loved on her, then put her back down. It was so hard. I was on my knees next to her crib by the end just praying that she would fall asleep, and she did, thankfully.
Night 8: Monday night, I nursed her after her bath, and left Jason to do bedtime. That was basically the worst idea ever. She not only cried because it was bedtime, but cried because I wasn't there. For like an hour and a half. Jason wasn't even trying to get her to sleep anymore, but she wouldn't stop crying because I wasn't there. Heart-breaker, this girl. When I got home around 9, they were sitting on the couch together, and she had finally calmed down. She seemed happy as a clam. We went for a long walk with her in the Ergo, and then I nursed her when we got home and put her down very sleepy. She fell asleep in about 5 minutes, which is not surprising since it was about 10 o'clock.
Night 9: Tuesday night we had small group, so I really needed her to be asleep by 8:00. Thankfully, she fell asleep a few minutes before. She played in her crib for about an hour, and then fussed/cried for about 45 minutes before she finally fell asleep.
Night 10: Tonight was awesome. She played in her crib for about an hour (I'm not sure why she is doing this!!) before she started her "I'm fussy because I'm tired and don't know what to do about it" routine. I gave her a pacifier about 30 minutes into her playing time to see what she would do with it. She started chewing on it and putting it in her mouth, but not sucking on it. I really think she needs something in her mouth to wind down, and that totally did the trick. She literally fussed/cried for maybe a minute before she fell asleep on her own. AND, so far, both times she has woken up, I've just laid her back down, patted her and shh'd her, she she has fallen back asleep on her own. Wow! Progress.
Thoughts so far:
I noticed last night that I'm starting to be less effected by her crying and fussing, and that made me really uncomfortable at first. The Dr. Sears' Sleep Book was echoing in my head...the mothers of babies who are left to CIO start paying less attention to their baby's needs, and start becoming more and more detached. But, the more I thought about it, the more that I realized that is NOT the case for me. The actual fact of the matter is that I know that Annabelle is going to be fine if she cries a little bit in my loving arms. Every morning, no matter how fussy she was the night before, Annabelle wakes up smiling and talking and crawling all over us in our bed. She loves us, and acts like she never remembered being upset the night before. I haven't noticed a change in her demeanor at all, so I am beginning to realize that my utter fear of her crying is totally unfounded. The Attachment Parenting book, the No-Cry Sleep Solution, and the Sleep Book made me completely paranoid that if my child cried she would be damaged forever. (Seriously, I have been so stressed out her whole life just waiting for her to cry...I could literally feel myself panicking when she would get upset). I do believe that if a child is left alone to cry for long periods of time regularly, that they are effected by that. The research is showing a trend between CIO and ADD/ADHD. I wouldn't be surprised at all by that. But, I'm not leaving Annabelle to cry for a long time by herself, or even a long time with me in her presence. So, I guess my point is that I'm not afraid of her crying a little bit anymore. I'm realizing that she is fine, even if she cries a little bit, and I am fine, even if she cries a little bit. It still stinks to hear her upset, but I know she is okay, and I know she is going to be better off when she learns the skill of falling asleep on her own.
So, tonight I am starting the all-night routine. She has done great so far, falling back to sleep with just a pat and a "shh" and then taking my hand off of her. I'm going to camp out on the floor next to her crib so that I don't have far to go if/when she wakes up. I'll nurse her around 11 or 12, and again around 3, and hopefully the other times she will fall back to sleep on her own.
Thanks for all of the positive, encouraging words I've gotten from many of you! It really helps to know that my friends are supporting me through this, and praying me through this. Sleep-deprived moms, unite.
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