Labeling

If you know me, and/or read my blog, you know that we generally fall into the "attachment parenting," or "AP" side of things (longer-term breastfeeding, co-sleeping for some time, baby-led weaning, baby-wearing). We also generally try to be naturally minded in the things that we put into our home and into our bodies. We don't spank, and prefer the idea of gentle discipline. We are planning to home school for at least a little while. We love Jesus. I'm into natural fertility and childbirth. We use cloth diapers, compost, and recycle. We enjoy our pretty stereotypical gender roles in our marriage. I could go on.

There are so many ways that we (collectively) label each other. We label ourselves. The problem with that, though, is when we don't necessarily fit into those labels. Judgement happens so quickly--sometimes we don't even realizing we are judging others or being judged ourselves just because someone doesn't fit the precise formula that a label prescribes. Examples:

• We did co-sleep for awhile. But then it wasn't working for us anymore, so we moved Belle to her own bed, probably before she was "ready" for it. I also night-weaned her and put her on a nap schedule.
• We eat frozen pizza sometimes. The delicious, cheap kind.  And when we run out of our farm-fresh eggs and milk, I buy them at Aldi.
• I don't hesitate to give Belle ibuprofin when she is teething (in addition to trying the other 'natural' methods of pain relief). I don't think twice about taking it for a bad headache.
• I lose my temper and yell at Annabelle sometimes. Sometimes I WANT to hit her (but don't) (gasp!).
• I don't think gay marriage should be illegal. 
• I wanted an epidural REALLY BADLY during my labor. I have encouraged a few people to get them. I don't really want to have a home birth.
• Annabelle wears disposable diapers at night, and when our recycling bin is full, I throw away recyclable items. 
•  ...and many, many more.

I have friends in all of the "labeled" groups that I listed above. Some from church, many not. Each of my circles overlap a little bit in some way, shape or form, but they are all different, too. I love having friends from different places that aren't all the same. The problem, I feel, comes when some aspect of life doesn't fit perfectly into one of those nice little circles. Then where do we stand? Yes, generally I believe in Attachment Parenting. But, I wouldn't call myself an "AP mom." I don't think I precisely fit there. Yes, we buy a lot of natural and organic foods, but we certainly eat our fair share of less-than-perfect things (hello canned soup and boxed GF mac and cheese for lunch!). I guess I don't really fit into that category perfectly, either. You catch my drift. 

Labeling ourselves and labeling other people only causes us to compare and be compared to impossible check-lists of "does she...?" When we fail to check everything off of those particular lists, it becomes very easy to get down on ourselves and start judging ourselves or other women around us.

This needs to stop. The labeling needs to stop, the comparing needs to stop, the mental check-lists need to stop. Our children are watching us. They watch us making quiet judgements, they watch us feeling shamed when others judge us or talk about us behind our backs (seriously ladies, we are ADULTS. Can the gossip just stop already?!). They watch us work and strive to meet impossible standards that we and others set for us. Is this the example that we want to be giving our kids?

Jesus came so we could have freedom from a lot of stuff. Namely, from sin. But also from ourselves, our labels, and from each other. Mommas, Jesus loves you. Point blank. He doesn't care what check-marks are missing from the lists that you made--he doesn't even have a check-list for you. He doesn't care what made-up circles you fit into--everyone is in the same circle in his eyes. He loves you, he loves your friends, and he loves the women you aren't friends with and think you never could be. He makes up where we lack. While we're scurrying around trying to meet impossible standards that aren't his, he is just standing there, quietly, waiting for us to just turn the heck around and sit peacefully at his feet while he just loves on us. There is so much grace, ladies. SO much grace. So much mercy. We don't even have to do anything to earn it. It's just there waiting for us. 

If Jesus can do all of that for us, can't we at least do a little of that for each other? Can't we stop labeling and comparing and contrasting and judging and gossiping and just love each other? Encourage each other? Give each other a compassionate hug and just say, "I know. I've been there. I'm here for you." without any strings attached? Being a mom and being a wife are hard enough as it is. (Seriously--am I the only one who knows it's HARD??). We don't need to make it any harder by putting added pressure on ourselves or each other to live up to ridiculous standards that we made up. If someone doesn't believe what you believe or think what you think or practice what you practice, it doesn't make them bad. It just makes them different. Every mom that I've met wants to do the best they can for their kid. That might look different than what you choose for your kid. It doesn't matter. Yes, it's important to be continually learning and growing and discussing with each other. And it's okay to change your mind about something that you originally may not have chosen! I know I certainly have. It's okay if we don't fit perfectly into a made up label. You are a daughter of God, and that's the best label you can have. Let's celebrate THAT label with each other, instead of dragging each other  (and ourselves) down and judging each other (and ourselves) with the others.