Before having Annabelle, I tried as hard as I could to learn about what being a parent would be like. There is absolutely nothing that could prepare anyone for what motherhood is all about. Books are lame, advice is helpful but in a vague sort of way. I had these little daydreams about what our lives would look like with the addition of baby Rackow, and I can honestly say my life looks very little like what my daydreams were. Certainly not in a BAD way, but just different...there's just no way to imagine what life will be like when a tiny little 7 pound 3 ounce human being bursts into your arms.
I can honestly not imagine my life without my daughter. I know everyone says that, but it's totally true. I don't even remember really what my life was like before her. Life revolving around Annabelle just seems to natural. Knowing what it's like having her, life without her just would seem so pointless and empty. God has truly created me to be Annabelle's mom. He gave me HER and gave her ME to create perfect harmony; I am the mother that this child needs, and she is the child that I need.
The Highs
So many...it would be utterly impossible to write them all out. Every moment of her life is a high just because she is here on this planet. But, a few key ones...
Obviously, her birth. WOW. I go back and read her birth story sometimes a couple of times a month. What a crazy intense thing! So powerful and utterly life changing to give birth.
The first explosive diaper change. I know that sounds ridiculous, but I remember standing in front of her changing table holding her legs in my hands yelling for Jason, who came running with a role of paper towels as the lovely breast-milk poo just wouldn't stop coming. Anyone who has breast fed their baby can probably relate to this experience with a similar one. We were exhausted, but just stood there doubled over laughing at how ridiculous the whole thing was, and how less than a week earlier we didn't even have a baby. It was just a great moment of bonding for our little family of three.
The smiles. oh, the smiles. Every day this little one melts my heart just by flexing the muscles in her face. From the first one around 8 weeks old, she had us wrapped around her tiny little fingers just by smiling at us.
Watching her learn. I think it's my favorite thing to do. She learns something every single day, and even from the first day we had her, we could just see when the wheels were turning. It's incredible that in just a year she has gone from a tiny little person incapable of doing anything for herself, to this walking/talking/eating toddler. She has learned so much, it's baffling! I just love it.
Breastfeeding. Wow, I never imagined how much I would love nursing her. I knew from the beginning that I would be nursing her no matter what--formula wasn't an option for us, in big part because of the cost, but also because of the insane benefits that breastfeeding gives babies. But, it was HARD at first. I'm so, so glad we stuck with it, because it truly is still one of the best parts of my day. Annabelle still nurses a few times a day, and a couple of times at night. I don't foresee it stopping any time soon, though I am trying to gently and slowly night wean her. I no longer really offer nursing to her, she asks for it now, and unless it's a crazy inconvenient moment, I am happy to oblige. (I know extended nursing freaks some people out, but it's natural and healthy and the World Health Organization says 2 years is the recommended time frame).
How much she needs me. What can I say, I love being loved by my daughter :) It's just such an incredible feeling when I walk in the door and she comes running to me with arms outstretched. When she comes running over to me holding out a book or toy to show me what she has. When she stops what she is doing and comes and climbs in my lap for a hug and a kiss before hopping back up to keep playing. I just.love.it. I can't get enough of her.
The Lows
Sleep. Obviously. She's doing so much better now than she was, but man it's been a long road. She still wakes up a couple/few times per night, but it's night and day different from the every-45-minutes junk she was doing before. She's a baby, and babies have needs at night just like they do during the day, so as long as she doesn't go back to the every-45-minutes waking up, I'm happy to meet her needs. But, I am looking forward to a full night of sleep at some point in my life again :)
Car rides. I really wish Annabelle hadn't hated her car seat so much at the beginning. It was so hard to go anywhere or do anything because my gut would just be clenched the whole time waiting for her to start screaming, and not stop until we got her out. It was so stressful, and I fully thought I might have a heart attack driving some time because of her screaming. Thankfully, she is much better with it now.
Her seizure experience. Wow. How awful was THAT day?!
The temper tantrums. Now that she's old enough to know what she wants, dealing with temper tantrums isn't fun. I know we have a million more to go before she's able to reason with, but man are they downers.
That's about all...truly...she's an awesome baby (toddler!) and we haven't really had many bad moments with her!
A year in a very short nutshell. My sweet girl is growing up so fast. Sigh.
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