pregnant for a week

I debated about writing this, but I know not many people read my blog, and I know the ones that do are friends, so it couldn't hurt anything.

I got a positive pregnancy test last week. It wasn't "planned" but also was not unexpected. I had all the symptoms...sick to my stomach like nothing I had experienced, tired, temperature going up and up...so during the 3-minute wait time, I thought about how I would react if I saw 2 lines instead of 1. I wasn't quite sure. But then I saw it, and I screamed. Then I started running around the house like a crazy person, not entirely sure what to do. Mojo went nuts, of course. Then I started crying, and smiling. Then I called my best friend and told her, and she started screaming, too. We cried on the phone, and then it was time for Jason to come home, so I wanted to get ready to tell him.

He reacted as I expected...tentative, but happy. I cried, he walked around the kitchen with his hands on his head taking deep breaths. Entertaining, to say the least. All night we fluctuated between excitement and panic. I didn't sleep much, too excited to settle down, planning the next 9 months and beyond. The baby would be due March 11, Mojo's birthday! What a coincidence.

The next day rolled around, and I thought, "I wonder if I should test again?" So I did. One line stared back at me. It was still early, and a different kind of test, so I figured it was a false negative. Still sick to my stomach, still tired, still a high temperature. Over the next few days my temperature started to plummet, and I knew that this teeny little blastocyst just wasn't going to stick. Physically I started to feel better, but emotionally, I don't think I've ever felt so bad. It felt like something so wonderful had been ripped away from me before I could even grasp the enormity of it. I had a doctor's appointment scheduled anyway, today, so I took my chart with me. She confirmed my suspicions. They call it a chemical pregnancy, where it produces enough hormones to be detected, but doesn't ever turn into anything, for whatever reason.

I'm "over it" now. It sucked, but clearly it wasn't God's timing for that teeny little one. But hey, at least we know it can happen, right? :)