Grandma

My grandma is dying. She's 87, and has had Parkinson's disease and progressive dementia for awhile now...7ish years? I got the first call last week, on Wednesday evening, after we had our sonogram, that grandma was pretty sick, and we may want to plan a trip to visit this weekend. Jason commented that it's pretty ironic that there we were gushing over our new little life, when another part of my life was beginning to leave. Even as I write this, my little one is kicking me from inside...such a strange circle of life we live in.

My grandma is an incredible woman. She is, without a doubt, the reason that my dad's family is so close. They all (with the exception of me and one cousin) still live in Chicago and the surrounding suburbs. During Christmas, Easter, Thanksgiving, and various other holidays throughout the year, you'll find the whole extended family gathered at either Grandma's house, or one of her son's houses. The house is always full of loud conversation, laughter, and tons and tons of love. It's pretty amazing. When I talk to other people, I am reminded that my close-knit, mostly-drama-free-family is not the norm.

I have tons of childhood memories with my grandma. Each year before Christmas, my sister and cousins and I would go over to her house to help her decorate the tree. Santa would always come early to bring us each one present, and we would all compare and be so excited. Then the girls would go sit on the couch with the holiday American Girl Doll catalog to gush over what we wanted for Christmas. Other times we went over to her house, we would sit on the counter and "help" make brownies from scratch, and have black cows (ice cream with diet, caffeine-free coke). She would forever be starting her diet "tomorrow." The closet in my dad's old room was full of toys and sparkly dress up outfits, and costume jewelry. Walks around the block resulted in leaves being pressed between wax paper, acorn collections, and other various adventures. Climbing the tree in her backyard resulted in my only overnight hospital stay to date, when I got a scratch near my eye that resulted in a potentially blinding eye infection. Sleep overs with my sister and cousin were full of giggles hiding behind curtains and between beds with the "Anatomy of the Human Body" book that we invariably found on a bookshelf. And the balloon man...can't forget him. My grandma has this little porcelain statue of a balloon man, and she would tell us a story of herself as a little girl, getting balloons from a man just like this...I have no idea if it was actually a true story, but snuggling up on her lap to hear the story of the balloon man is a memory I'm sure all of us kids will treasure. There are so many more...you would be reading forever if I listed them all.

Unfortunately, my own little one will not have the opportunity to meet Mary Jo, MJ, Mom, Grandma. She or He will have to learn about her through pictures and stories, instead of brownies and the balloon man. It breaks my heart...I can't imagine how my life would have been without her. All of the grandkids were called on Saturday, saying we had better come...I'm so thankful for this weekend, seeing the whole family together at her house one last time, talking and laughing, and every now and then seeing a smile or hearing a murmur from the frail woman we were gathered around. We all got to say our goodbyes, and our I Love Yous. We got to pray, hug, cry, and take one last look at grandma's house with grandma in it.

"Luckily" for our family (if something about this situation could be considered lucky), this isn't entirely sudden. Grandma has been slowly going down hill for years, and we only rarely get glimpses anymore of the mom or grandma that we hold so dearly in our hearts. Grandma has been sort of gone for awhile now, and the tiny woman that lays in her bed appears to be just a stand-in for the real-deal. Pneumonia is slowly taking over her lungs, and it will soon take over the rest of her as her heart can't keep pumping without the oxygen it needs. She's comfortable, and we're told that it will be peaceful, and soon.

And so, we wait. This is the only time in my life that I have hoped "Mom" or "Dad" or "Home" doesn't show up on my caller ID. But, I know the call will come, and most likely in the next few days. Our whole family will appreciate your prayers for peace and understanding right now. Losing a loved one is never easy, even knowing the Father's love, mercy, and grace.