32 Weeks!

As of today, 54 days until my "due date."

The Belly: Okay, so not that I don't love compliments, and appreciate that 99.9% of people who say "You look so small for being due in August" mean it in a GOOD way, I'm getting really, really tired of hearing it. Mostly because the more I hear it, the more I worry about baby Waffle. After hearing at 3 appointments in a row that I'm measuring small, and now having to have an extra sono to "make sure everything is okay," I don't want to look small anymore. I want more than anything in the world for this baby to be healthy and fine. I'm praying that the sonogram on Friday shows just that, but until then, here is my "small" belly:

Physically: Still feeling mostly good, aside from the "typical" pregnancy woes of being tired and puffy at the end of the day. I have been having an insane amount of Braxton-Hicks contractions the past couple of weeks, and they no longer are "caused" by anything. The first few I had were always after stretching, exercise, or "other activities"...ahem. Now they just happen sporadically and randomly throughout the day. They don't hurt, they just feel like my semi-squishy tummy turns into a bowling ball for about a minute or so. I am also finding myself less hungry, and fewer foods are sounding good. I'm definitely getting more hormonal, mood-swing type days too, but overall, I truly am feeling pretty good. 

Weight: Still holding steady right under 150. 

Food Aversons: Really, anything. I don't want to eat because I know the more I put in my body, the more I'm going to make me feel very full and less able to breathe. But, I eat because I know I need to.

Food Cravings: Not much, though I still do enjoy my ice cream :). See above.

Feeling: I am trying not to worry about the baby. We are praying and have faith that God is with our baby, putting him or her together perfectly, and that the sonogram on Friday will show nothing wrong at all. But, I am still worried a little bit. That's my primary "emotion" related to pregnancy right now, though I still am (of course) very excited and happy, and can't wait to meet this little one.

Baby: As of yesterday, the baby's movements are starting to feel a little more uncomfortable. Certain ways the baby moves almost hurt, but I am pretty sure it's just because the baby is getting bigger and has less room in there! 

Other: As I write this, Jason is in the basement spraying "eco-friendly, not harmful to kids or pets" insect/spider killer, and within the last hour I have been mad at the dog twice (destroying a box of kleenex and a pen in the living room while we were gone, and not coming when called). So...certain things that I wrote about last time are going well, others are not. Hah. 

Starting to think about hospital bag packing, what we still need to buy, and putting together a contact list for the hospital...lots of things that could potentially be last-minute, but I really want to be prepared for.

Warning: C-Section "discussion" to follow. Read at your own risk, and remember that it's my blog :)

Most of the people that read this blog probably know that we are hoping to have a natural (read: drug-free) labor and delivery. We are taking Bradley Birth classes, and feel relatively confident that we are as mentally and emotionally prepared as possible. BUT, we are (of course) aware that interventions exist and c-sections exist and some of them may become a reality for us. And, obviously, our #1 goal in this whole thing is to have a healthy baby and healthy mom, regardless of how that ends up happening.

Jason asked me in the car today how I would feel about myself if I had to have a c-section. I think it probably would depend on the circumstances of it.

If we went for our sonogram on Friday and something was clearly wrong with the baby, and they needed to do a c-section "now" at 32.5 weeks, I would panic and freak out and cry hysterically and ask for a second opinion, but would certainly NOT be disappointed in myself if we had to have that done for the health and safety of our baby. (Not that I think that's going to happen, but I would be lying if I said the "what if" thought hadn't crossed my mind).

If I was full term and laboring fine on my own, but then decided that maybe I was uncomfortable and wanted an epidural, which maybe would lead to pitocin, which maybe would lead to the ever-too-common chain of events up to a c-section, I would probably be pretty disappointed in myself. 

If I was laboring naturally, and doing well, and then all of a sudden the baby started showing problems, and the quickest and best solution would be to do a c-section, I would probably be sad and emotional at the prospect of not getting to experience a vaginal birth, but not disappointed in myself. 

If I absolutely HAD to be induced for being "overdue" and that lead to a c-section (inductions have a higher rate of c-sections), I would be pissed at my providers for telling me I had to be induced, but I wouldn't be disappointed in myself, since I know that there is a higher chance of that happening with induction. I take that back--I would be disappointed in myself for consenting to an induction, knowing that there is probably a natural reason for my baby to not have come yet.

If I scheduled a c-section out of convenience, I would tell you to check me into a mental institution because I clearly would not be in my right mind.

If I had to schedule a c-section due to a breech baby, I would be really mad at the medical community for no longer training doctors and midwives to deliver breech babies vaginally, and would probably be a little disappointed in myself wondering if I did enough exercise/tried everything I could to get the baby to turn. 

Yes, I have thought about all of these situations. And, I'm actually glad that I have. They are all possible realities (except scheduling a c/s out of convenience), and I think I should be mentally prepared for them just in case. 

But, we're still hoping to have a natural birth. You may think I'm crazy for that, but that's okay, it's not your body or baby :)