...that I'm pregnant. We have known for over 4 weeks now (thank goodness for FAM and charting and knowing about my cycle!!) and it still hasn't really hit me.
We found out on Friday, December 3rd around 7:00pm. I had been charting, so I knew that there was a pretty good chance this time around. I took a test that morning, chiding myself the whole time that it was way too early to tell, a full 5 days before I was even expecting my period. Of course, the test that morning was negative. I figured it would be, so it didn't really shock me. All day long though, I knew that something was up. I had all the symptoms that I'd imagined so many times before...peeing every 5 minutes, hot flashes, sore breasts, nauseous. I had dinner
with a couple of girls who I used to lead in youth group, and remember answering their "when are you going to have kids" question with, "Who knows? I could be pregnant right now and not know it." hah! I knew it.
I came home from dinner having to pee (again) so I ran to the bathroom and turned on the water and the fan so Jason couldn't hear me opening the test wrapper. Again, I thought, "why am I wasting this?? It's going to be negative again!" I almost threw it away as soon as I used it, but instead, I put it on the counter, and stared. I couldn't believe it when the second line started to slowly fade into view. Much lighter than the first, but two lines, nonetheless!
All ideas of cute-ways-to-tell-him-you're-pregnant flew out of my mind and I just flung open the door and screamed, "Jason!! I'M PREGNANT!!" He came sauntering over from the kitchen, looked at the test, and said, "Are you sure? That line is lighter than the other one." I explained how it worked, but he didn't agree, and we sat there debating it for a few minutes before I just started crying and told him that I was, indeed, pregnant. 30 minutes later I used a digital test and saw this glorious, terrifying image:
That seemed to be enough proof for Jason. We were both in shock. Majorly. It's one thing to talk about having kids and just "throw caution to the wind and see what happens." It's completely another when it actually becomes reality. We knew we were going to wait to tell our families until Christmas, but I had to tell someone, so I called my best friend and had a very squealy conversation with her.
Since then, I have been feeling sick, sick, tired, sick, and sick. The nausea has been amazing--I never thought it would be like this. I mean, you always hear about people having morning sickness, but I never imagined all-day-wanting-to-puke-or-die nausea. It's awful, I'm not going to lie. I've tried ginger ale, candied ginger, saltines, and every other recommendation that people have given me. Nothing seems to make a dent. In the last few days it seems to be lessening to now right when I get up and all evening. During the day as long as I can keep myself FULL I feel okay. That means eating every 2 minutes, and gaining 3 pounds already.
The full meaning of being pregnant still hasn't really struck me. As I told Jason this morning (in tears--yay hormones), "Nothing fits and I just feel fat and sick, not pregnant!" Those of you who have been-there-done-that can, I'm sure, relate. But, this too shall pass, and I know feeling fat, sick, and hormonal are all good signs of a healthy, growing baby Rackow!
The reality of the baby has struck Jason, though. He said the other day, "I can feel it in my bones--it's crunch time." He's already built a huge shelving unit in the basement to get it more organized, thrown away a ton of stuff and made a big pile to give away. He's determined to sell this house asap, and already has plans on what he'll do to make this house work if we can't sell it. I love him. :) Jason has been so supportive and as understanding as possible with how I feel right now. He gets me water and pretzels when I wake him up in the middle of the night, feeds the dog because I can't, opens windows and turns on fans when the smell of food is making me gag, and prays for me each time the nausea seems so overwhelming that I can't handle it anymore. Have I mentioned that I love him?
We told our families at Christmas by giving them Christmas ornaments of an expectant couple that looks like us. They were all very excited, teary and screamy.
Sooo there it is. I'm 8 weeks pregnant today, by my calculations. We've had one early sono at 6 weeks 1 day since I had a prior chemical pregnancy, just to make sure everything was okay. We got to see the baby's heart beating at a slow and steady 105 bpm, normal for how little s/he was and how young his/her heart was. We had our intro appointment at Carle, and are meeting with a midwife for the first time on Thursday.
No, we are not finding out the gender, even though I think it's a boy. :)
Please be praying that our little one continues to grow nice and strong, and that the nausea lets up for me so that I can begin to enjoy being pregnant.
Let the fun begin.
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