My Wife is Pregnant.

This is for the husbands out there. I don’t know if I actually have any male readers. Wives, feel free to share this, if it applies to you. I think Jason would have felt way more prepared for my crazy hormones if he had something like this about 6 weeks ago. 

Men, if your wife is pregnant, she is going through a LOT both physically and emotionally. She may not want to or know how to communicate all of what she’s experiencing, but it’s really important that you know. Granted, this is based on my own experience so far, so if anyone wants to chime in with other observations, feel free :)

How she feels (most of the time):

• Emotional. Fear, anxiety, sadness, happiness, excitement...she goes through pretty much every emotion every day. She may burst into tears at any given moment.
• Sick. Morning sickness isn’t morning sickness, it’s whenever-it-feels-like-it sickness. She’s not making it up. If you really want to know what it’s like, go eat 4 or 5 chili dogs, a slushie, and some ice cream, then ride on a roller coaster a few times immediately after eating. Do this for most of the day, most days of the week, for at least 9 weeks.
• Fat. Her clothes don’t fit, but she’s not showing, and she just feels unfeminine and the farthest thing from sexy.
• Exhausted. She’s tired almost every minute of every day.
• Unsure. She doesn’t really have a clue, even though she’s read every book and website.
• Out of control. Her body is no longer hers, and is doing everything it can to make sure the baby is growing healthy, no matter what your wife wants or needs, and often at the expense of your wife’s wants and needs. She feels out of control because she can’t take the medicine she wants, eat the food she wants, do the exercise she wants, or even sleep the way she wants. This is very new, and very unnerving sometimes.

What she needs:

• Lots of prayer. All the time, out loud, without her even asking. Just pray for whatever she’s doing at any given point, whether she’s feeling sick or not. It really helps.
• You to be patient. She doesn’t feel good, and she feels bad for not feeling good. Be patient, even if she asks you to do something “easy” that you think she could do herself. She’s not trying to take advantage of you, and really just feels exhausted and sick.
• Lots of hugs and love and attention--especially when she’s crying. Saying “I’m sorry, honey” when she’s upset and then going about your day doesn’t really cut it. It will probably make her more upset thinking that you just don’t get it or care. Even if it seems like overkill, do anything you can to communicate that you’re trying to understand, and that you love her and wish she was feeling better.
• Offer her tissues, water, a massage, a bubble bath, a walk, cuddle-time, a date...anything that you can think of that might make her feel better.
• If she’s feeling sick, offer to get her Tums or water or ask her if something to eat would help. If you don’t have that particular item, go to the store without her asking. It will mean the world to her.
• Get her flowers, or cards, or write her a note to tell her how much you love her.
• Help. This is a big one. Your wife feels pretty helpless sometimes that her house is a mess and the laundry isn’t done and she can’t cook because it makes her gag. Even though you already do so much for your family, it will really make your wife feel better if you picked up some of the slack while she’s in the first trimester, without her asking, even if most of the mess in the house is hers. Ideas:
• Do the laundry, or help with it, even though you hate it.
• Clean up the kitchen so that when she goes in to find something that won’t make her gag, she doesn’t see a mess of food or dishes that does make her gag.
• Vaccuum. This actually takes a lot more energy than it appears, and your wife doesn’t have a lot right now.
• Pay attention to how the house looks. Is it dark and gloomy? Open the curtains. Is there clutter everywhere? Put it away, to the best of your knowledge of where it goes. Does your wife notice a funky smell? Spray Febreeze for her so she doesn’t puke. Is the bedroom a mess? Put fresh sheets on the bed and light a candle.
• Ask her what the grocery list is, and go to the store. The smell of the meat and seafood counter makes it a miserable experience for her.
• Take care of her car. Get her gas, change her oil, check her washer fluid. The smell of gas will most-likely make her gag if she does it herself.
• YOU. She needs you to be her rock, the person she can lean on, cry on, and fall asleep on. Be there for her, whenever (and however) she needs you.
• Reassurance. She needs to know that you’re happy about this baby, that you thinks she’s beautiful and sexy (yes, I know it might be hard to see a swollen belly as sexy, but try. She’s your wife. At least her breasts are bigger!). She needs to know that you are there for her no matter what she needs, and that you don’t care that she can’t do much of anything right now.
• Her mom. Don’t be offended if/when she calls her mom every day. Sometimes we just want our mommies, and this is one of those times. Her mom will never replace you, but you will also never replace her mom. Teamwork is a beautiful thing.

If all else fails, ask your wife what she needs. Then do whatever she tells you she needs at that particular moment. I know it may feel like your life is revolving around serving her right now, but this too shall pass. You vowed to be there for her every day of your lives together, and this season happens to be one where she needs your love and support most of all. Don’t worry, you’ll get your life (and wife) back soon.


Additions from (anonymous) readers:
"...and may I add for the encouragement of Jason, er, the husbands who read this, that at some point sex will end up on that list [of things she needs]. And he just may have some of the hottest sex in his life while his wife is pregnant. Get excited!"